The Dive.

The leap, or as Andrew would say, the dive off of a cliff. We did it,we up and left. Like nothing. Well, we freaked out, of course. But tosay the least, we did it.And I have no regrets, though it was a short lived experience, an experience nonetheless. We left Monday, afterdeciding we would actually go through with it, with some crying and yelling at eachother(mostly on my part). And then we were off. Afterproposing the idea to eachother, we parked instead of going to school,and put on some good ol' Coldplay, then talked and thought about this drastic decision we were about to make. Then when our minds were made up we went to his house, made preparations, took some stuff we could sell, left notes, and then I went and did the same at Lauren's house.We then bought some smokes at our spot, one road pack and hit a pawnshop downtown as our final destination before leaving. We attemptedto sell Drew's TW, PS2, my lovely gold jade earrings,and his guitar. THAT SUCKED, because the asian pawn dude didn't accept shit. Soooafter buying smokes, we were down to a little over 25 dolalrs and we were trying to drive 6 hours out to Oregon. We NEEDED money, fast. But, with that money we filled the tank up in the pathfinder and went on our way with 8 bucks left. It's funny because we just added like 5 chapters to our novel of our lives that is in the making. Before I go any further, I have to say I had an amazing time with Andrew on this damn journey, though my life's going to suck right about now for awhile. BUT, I have no regrets, no matter how incredibly stupid we were. (Anyway) At this point everything was not going as planned and we had just LEFT, impulsive, selfish, irresponsible. Like that. LEFT. So we were frantic, but somehow happy, and relieved. We just wanted to get away from everything. We were both sick of everyone and everything, and just needed to do this. Which we did, and failed miserably. The drive consisted of eating(the lunch andrew's mom packed him for school), listening to good music, especially our favorite cds(our CD, then mostly queens and Coldplay :]), and drawing all over his car. But again, we needed money to make it, so we stopped after 2 good hours of driving, at some gas station by a casino resort place. Which if we could, would have gone in a got really drunk at. Instead, we waited at this gas station and tried to sell things to everyone we saw. After about an hour, we gave up, put the last 8 bucks in our tank and scraped all the way to Redding. I fell asleep on the way there, but I awoke to find Andrew driving in a parking lot trying to find a pawn shop again. His gas meter was past E, which was NOT good. So this tattoo dude gives us directions to this A1 loan place, pawn shop or whatever, and he even draws out a little map. We get lost, of course, with NO GAS. BUT alas, we FINALLY find this damn place. And might I add, Redding is fuckng weird. Sooooooo we go in and we try to sell all the stuff we have. We offer up all our belongings, and

Sweet Dreams; it will all fall right into place.

Lately, Andrew and I have been talking about leaving. Just leaving, without saying a word to anyone and go. It's been just a dream for us, I suppose. But each time we talk about it we get closer and closer to actually acting on the absurd thought. How selfish and impulsive would that be? I would love to leave though, and drive off somewhere. To Oregon maybe. No worries, whatsoever..well until I returned of course. If that were to ever happen. But then what of college? High school? Won't I be the ultimate failure to everyone then? Not just to everyone.. but to myself. I don't want that at all. I have this whole, huge, amazing life I'm planning out in my head. With little kiddies, my dream house, my dream life. And I don't know if all that will even have the chance to happen if I up and leave right now. Though, the more we discuss it, the more tempting it is. I love Andrew, I truly do. It's weird, that crazy, irrational, yet again selfish running away idea seems perfect because of him. I feel like I'd be fine as long as... well as long as I had him beside me. Haha what a cheesy, cliche line. I'm such a cornball. Can you be in love at 17? Is that possible or are all these relationships at this age meaningless, hormone filled, immature, acts of puppy love? Well, me and Andrew are a bit different I guess. He is so damn amazing. How we ended up together, I have no clue. It is fun to go over and explore our story in my head at times, just thinking about how we came together. Let me start off by saying, it is amazing, lucky, and ironic to be with my first. Haha, what are the odds? We're planning on writing this amazing book about our lives. So far it's been crazy, especially ever since he came back into my life after four years. Doesn't stuff like this only happen in the movies? The lover leaves and they lose touch and that lover returns and meets with their lover again and then they fall madly in love with eachother all over again but BETTER, even more profound and loving. There's our story, with much more detail of course. I think he's the one, you know that one person you want to spend the rest of your days with, doing anything and everything or absolutely nothing. Your soulmate, I guess. It feels like we've loved before, maybe in another life we were both lovers. Maybe we were mates as birds in another life. HAAHAA, or maybe I'm just this in love with him. Love can seriously make you crazy, but sooo down to earth. When nothing could be worse, he's always the silver lining. How trite and overused I must sound? But it's all true, when you find someone worth everything. All those idiotic love songs and all those romance movies and novels all relate to you and your own feelings towards your own love. I feel so blessed to have him, hopefully this isn't another high school relationship, but somehow I know it isn't. And he doesn't even know how far my love goes for him. I am such a sucker for this kid. Can your boyfriend be your best friend too? Thinking back on the SHORT but LONG 5 months, of love, I've had the most fun and excitement that my meaningless 17 years of life have ever had. Well for now, you get the jist right? I'm so exhausted, and I decided to stay up for some stupid reason out of my own head, to finish homework all of which I have not touched. HAHAAH. damn you internet. But, basically... I may runaway and be a hippie bum with Andrew, have an amazing dream life(I say amazing a lot), I love Andrew(obviously), I've spent time composing this blog and doing nothing but talking to andrew haha in the process, I'm writing a book of our memoirs, & did I mention I love Andrew. HAHA, yes I am a sucker for love. Goodnight, sweet dreams :]

<3Love yourself and others :]

Mondays

It's a Monday and I am thankful for my life.
I had a n amazing weekend with Andrew and I am looking forward to everything that's in store for me.
I will make it through the bad. And the bell rang sooo deuces.