I need to get away to feel again.

I just lost it. Over a guitar string and a tuner. I flipped into this crazy emotional breakdown. And it all went downhill from there. And it certainly doesn't help that I'm in Roseville. With blind people who are oblivious to feelings. Especially my feelings. I cried myself senseless outside til I was still unsatisfied. And here I am. Talking to no one, to make myself feel a little better. It's funny how whenever these little things go wrong, they bring me to facing all the problems I find myself trying to forget, trying so desperately to run from. All this loneliness and emptiness that doesn't seem to go away, no matter what I do. I feel absolutely tiny. And this will be it, I will have my sadness and aching tonight, til I push all of it back down tomorrow. I will wrap my mind around all of my pathetic issues until I can't think and I will lock all of those thoughts and feelings away again. Why deal with them? Yeah, but they end up making me do this. Making me feel like this. My whole life feels like such a waste sometimes. No, I feel like a waste. All the time. I hide how I feel about myself, about other people, about every fucking thing because I don't know what else to do. I obviously can't face or handle what I should but what can I do? I can't fix everything. And these feelings won't subside, until I do something. But I doubt I ever will, because quite frankly I don't think I can. I'll just go on suppressing all these troubles with drugs and Andrew. I feel like I'm disintergrating here. Melting. Everywhere. I don't belong anywhere. Everywhere I go, I am just not a part. I'm tired. I'm exhausted of living. Day to day just drowns me out. It rips me a part. I don't know where I'm ever gonna feel like I belong and stay there.